I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
