i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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