i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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