so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
