We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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