I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
