i think my mom watched the whole time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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