Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
