I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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