He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
