It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Acid is not a monday night drug
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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