You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There are leaves in my underwear?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
