Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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