You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize