I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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