I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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