it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
