so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
