I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
