I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
