I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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