Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
