I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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