I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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