let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
