Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
