That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
