We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
