I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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