someone threw a dead crab at me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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