just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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