Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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