ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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