I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
