Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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