Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
