y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
