you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
My ass is underappreciated
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
