I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to fling myself into the sun
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
