You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
