why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
