Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
