Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize