we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
