god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We left an ass print on the piano.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
