For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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