when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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