my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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