My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh god it's open bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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