she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
