The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
