She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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