That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
