I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
