I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
