Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
