If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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