how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
