Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
