if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize