at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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