Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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