You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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