i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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