i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
