Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
