can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am naked and annoyed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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