no, he came in my armpit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
