I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
