I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
