the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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