Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
