Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
