I smell stomach acid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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