you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
