Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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