I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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