I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
