she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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