highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
