hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
